


Envy

by InTheVerse



Category: Firefly
Genre: M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-04
Updated: 2006-12-04
Packaged: 2019-04-29 06:00:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14466522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InTheVerse/pseuds/InTheVerse
Summary: Jayne reflects on Simon, the crew of Serenity and where he stands in it all.





	Envy

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Firefly’s Glow](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Firefly%27s_Glow), and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Firefly's Glow collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/fireflysglow/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Jayne centric fic, based of the 5 stages of love challenge.

  
Author's notes: Jayne centric fic, based of the 5 stages of love challenge.   


* * *

Envy

## Envy

_Epilogue, Nine months after Serenity visited Miranda~from the Journal of Simon Tam_ 

Love isn't always romantic, sweet and all encompassing; sometimes, especially out here in the black, things get skewed. Lines don't always get drawn and living with someone sometimes makes it harder to really see them and to really see yourself, to break away from old habits and judgements and admit that people really can change. To realize that it's happening right in front of you. 

Maybe there`s no such thing as good and bad people, just people capable of ordinary things, of going either way and having their own code of honour to live by. Out here it can be cold and lonely, you can find yourself thinking differently and seeing people differently. Ones that, in another lifetime a different lifetime, you might not have given a second glance, save perhaps in condescension or revulsion for the life they lead, had you not found yourself living it too-reliant on them and trusting them. 

Some find companions, crew and friendship out here in the Black. I found so much more than that. 

4 Months after Miranda

_What people don't know doesn 't hurt them, only when they know that it eats them up and drives them crazy, making them think too much and complicating things._

Jayne knows complication, has been intimate with it on more then one occasion and is severely displeased whenever it raises its ugly head. Which was why he'd always disliked Simon so much, always made it clear to the doctor that he and River were nothing more than thorns in Serenity's side-thorns Jayne would have been happy to pick free. Carrying fugitives, even ones so damn pretty, were a complication Jayne was unwilling to deal with. But Mal had changed that, made them all cope, and Jayne had made damn sure Simon knew he wasn't happy with it. 

Jayne pushes his bunk open easily, stepping onto the ladder and jumping down the steps with some joviality. They aren't fugitives any more, less of a complication now least in terms of working jobs anyway. But the warrants rescinded on the Tams brought up another complication, one Jayne had tried to ignore for the most part before Miranda. 

A complication, Jayne had hated to admit to himself, one that had given him no end of troubled nights in the last few months. Ones reminiscent of the first night when he'd met the hoity-toity doctor, before any of them had realised who he was and what he was carrying. Sticky, sweaty, frustrating dream-filled nights that had made Jayne lean towards considering the doctor for a few fantasy ruts. Course things changed pretty quick after that and Jayne was able to ignore the attraction, the need to muss up Simon good and proper, and focus on aggravating and disliking him. Insulting and bantering with him. 

Simon and his fancified outfits, looking all proper and arrogant, almost seeing to make a statement to shield away any untoward advances from Jayne had the merc felt inclined to make them. Almost begging Jayne to mess up that Core-issue hair style, to make his lips swollen and bruised with punishing kisses; teasing Jayne into messing him up, treating him wrong, even putting him over his knees to get a reaction and frustrating the merc no end. Just didn't seem right or natural to Jayne for a man to be that pretty, all posh and aloof and looking so badly like he needed to be mussed some. Smooth, unmarred hands, long slim fingers which danced in their job be it doctoring, touching or caressing. Fingers that Jayne was almost envious of as they swept over all and sundry, occasionally bestowing their touch on him though clinical and firm yet still feeling more good then hands should naturally feel. 

Pulling his small sink out from it's cubby on the wall, Jayne checks his reflection, peering intently and then scowling as he wets his hands, running them through his short hair and splashing water on his face. Washing away the grime and grease from the day, waking himself up a bit, body reacting even as his mind mused. 

Whores were meant to be that pretty, be it Companion or planet-side, didn't seem fair to Jayne that Simon should be so tempting to look at and so smart on top of it. He wasn't at all surprised Kaylee fell in lust with the man even though Jayne could see he leant more towards the side of sly then anything. It annoyed him when Simon failed to tell her straight, had kept her hoping when Jayne could see what was right in front of him, what Simon couldn't find the courage to tell. Jayne was surprised when months later, at one of their weekly games of Tall card, Simon had confessed he was `somewhat envious of Jayne'. Took Jayne a while to work out why even with Simon putting it so eloquently, the boy tended to ramble or stutter and lose Jayne's interest when he did. Can still hear Simon's voice, unsure and almost wishful as he spoke, words from long ago easily remembered and burned into Jayne's mind along with his own casual reply. 

"You're just so sure of yourself Jayne. Me, I can't say more then a few words without looking foolish or offending someone, especially when its someone I'm attracted too. I'm just so...private. Reserved I guess. I just could never admit I was off-world sampling the native delights as it were, or spending time in my bunk releasing my tensions." 

"You ain't very smart for a clever person doc, got yer head up yer pigu at times, thinking' too much on image an' being all prim and proper. Need to just take what ya want, not get stiff about it." 

Jayne's shrugging off his shirt now, the last lingers of Simon's words echoing in his mind as he drops the top casually on the floor. Flexing his muscles he admires himself for a moment, not out of narcissism or false pride, just knowing he's looking good, shuai as some might say. Well-defined muscles, not too hairy chest, nice collection of faint and swoon-inducing scars... 

Ma-de!" 

He sniffs indelicately at his armpit and makes a face, not to mention currently a stench that that would make his mother cry. He'd have to get rid of that sharpish, not his fault though not when Mal's got him working so damn hard in the cargo hold shifting so much go-se here there and everywhere. He's scrubbing under his arms down, water flicking across his chest and running down in tiny rivets to pool at his pants, dampening the material as Jayne scrubs the acrid scent away, mind focusing back on what plagued him. 

Simon Tam. 

Miranda changed things, set their past behind them and started them off anew. It had been building for months, since Ariel since Jayne had witnessed Simon refuse to give up on River, and refused to give up on being a doctor. Choosing to stop and save a man's life despite the attention it gained, selflessly and stupidly Jayne also did think, putting some unknown person before them all. Doc had surprised him, shamed him after being all over him thinking Jayne had tried to save them. Had made Jayne uncomfortable with all the praise and thanks, and had surprised and shamed him once more by forgiving Jayne rather then demanding he be spaced or damaging him further. Jayne had no doubt had it been him, had Simon hurt his family and betrayed him like that, Jayne wouldn't have hesitated in pulling the trigger. 

_But Simon ruttin' Tam, being a complete chunrn gives me a second damn chance an' starts harpin' on about trust. Ain't right to make a man feel small and respecting of you with just words._

Carefully re-sniffing and nodding as he noted the lack of smell, Jayne ran his wet hands over his pants before pushing the sink back into the wall, catching the faint sound of footsteps from the walkway above. Pulling his bunk out from the wall, tossing the green blanket to one side, Jayne's eyes ran over his weaponry so lovingly arranged before pulling the bed out a little more. *Wouldn't do good to roll against any of `em, I'd hear no end of flappin' if one went off. * 

Miranda, innocent sounding name for such a tragedy, for such a humped planet. Being there, facing the Reavers made Jayne understand just how River had become what she was and even made him feel sympathy towards her, not enough to get him liking her she was more than a little freaky and crazed before he knew she could kill him with her brain let alone after. Though it made his forced dislike fade that little bit more. 

Family is important to Jayne, hadn't felt like much of one on Serenity until after they went against Reavers and Alliance together, had thought only of his family back home the ones needing more money then Jayne could give them with all the crappy jobs they'd been pulling. Giving up all the plum ones because of the Tams hadn't endeared Jayne to them and it wasn't until the heist on Ariel that Jayne saw Simon in a new light, saw him as a potential asset then just an annoyance. Was a shame things were too late and hot to call off, but the panned out all right, taking time but slowly sorting themselves out. Helping out family, the way Simon did with rescuing River, hadn't confused Jayne but having all the money in the world and being able to walk away from it did. 

Also turned things upside down with Wash and the Shepherd dying, put a real damper on things. Wash, Jayne wasn't that close to though he missed his comments, missed how he used to quip at Mal and make Zoe smile. Been less smiling since Miranda all round. And the Shepherd, in all honesty Jayne missed him the most, thought it a damn shame and riled him to end when the Alliance gunned down Book and his own, made him think less than charitable thoughts towards people. 

_Weren't right, not right at all. Never would think I'd miss someone with such high minded morals and preacher to boot, but things ain't right without him. Got to look to remember what he taught. Now._

Jayne doesn't like feeling this way, likes it kept simple but people have a habit of worming their way into his affection especially of late. Shepherd was one, Simon is another. He's got some measure of affection or loyalty for the others, maybe not so much River he still can't trust her despite being impressed at seeing her in action, but the rest of the crew they found there was in a long time before. Jayne just doesn't say it, much more fun to keep them on their toes. 

Doesn't tell Inara he sees what's going on between her and Mal, that he thinks it ain't right they can't do something-easier to have her thinking he's just wanting to be serviced by her. Not that Jayne would look that kind of gift in the mouth, he'd be taking, Inara's a fine lady after all. Never told Kaylee how worried he was over her, when she got shot in the belly, when he spent hours watching Simon fix her up, hidden when no one could see him. 

Jayne knows money's his weakness, can't deny it will be a wondering kind of day if ever he's offered the right amount to betray Mal. But right now and ever since he's met the Captain, he's been loyal. One slip up was all and he hadn't realised Mal would take it as a personal offence. The man inspired more than loyalty, made them a family. 

Easy to let people think what they want to think and see what they want to see, gives you an advantage and causes no end of mayhem and confusion when you let them take a peek. Zoe, she was a quandary, made Jayne nervous how calm and collect she was especially after seeing her lose it for a moment when they'd fought against the Reavers. He's not seen that side of Zoe again and cant help wondering if they ever will, if they ever should He doesn't envy her though. Life's less complicated when its just rutting, just taking and giving with no feeling involved. People can make you hurt, make you weak, better to just stay well clear. 

"So what in di yu am I doin' then?" He murmurs, straightening up and turning around to look into bright, confused blue eyes, which widen as he moves closer. 

Complications, this being one of them standing right in front of him, looking so delectable and ready to be ravished. Simon Tam looking ready to be thoroughly debauched, clothes immaculate, hair tidy and hands clasped behind his back. Its something Jayne doesn't need, a problem he shouldn't be letting himself think on, an itch that should have been scratched and done and dusted. Not turned into a regular, repeatable offence. 

Simon's like an addiction and a problem all in one, an itch that just can't be scratched no matter how many times Jayne has him. An itch that's rapidly becoming more then just that, more then just a rut or obsession. Jayne knows he should end it, should insult Simon or sneer and send him away but here in his own bunk, with Simon staring at him so steadily, waiting and wanting, Jayne's not about to do that. 

Jayne steps forward suddenly, his eyes on Simon's as his hand grasps at the crisp ironed vest, scrunching the material in his fist as he pulls Simon close. One hand winds possessively around Simon's neck, fingers curling in soft dark hair as his mouth closes over the man's. Barely claiming his lips before Jayne parts his own, tongue slipping into Simon's mouth and tangling with the doctors very responsive one. He'll never get enough of this; the warm sweet taste which is Simon, the enthusiastic way the doctor's body betrays him pressing the bulge in his pants against Jayne's own, the gasp that spills from Simon's lips as Jayne kisses along his chin, pulling a groan from Simon's throat as he sucks hard at the skin of his throat. 

Simon tastes nothing like he dresses, sterility and antiseptic coming to mind when Jayne sees him, but the taste and they way he responds is almost wanton. It always amazes Jayne how eager he is, how someone so cool and collect can be so uncontrolled and passionate in bed. Simon pulling at his pants, working his hands in wanting to touch and feel more impatiently then Jayne and Jayne's not about to disappoint him. Hand moving from his head, both pulling at the vest buttons, easily slipping them through, so easily in fact Jayne suspects Simon lefts them half undone in preparation. He's pushing the vest off, noting the shirt underneath and sparing neither it nor Simon's wardrobe a casual thought as he grabs each side and pulls it apart, buttons dropping to the floor. 

Simon's not protesting though, he's thrusting against Jayne's leg and Jayne can feel heat gather and tightness grow as bulge presses against bulge, crotches thrusting against each other. Jayne can't help gripping Simon tighter, drawing a groan from Simon's throat that's echoed by his own at the loss of friction between them as he kisses down Simon's body; tongue and teeth working eagerly over the skin, drawing whimpers and groans from Simon that seem unabating and unashamed. Jayne tugs at Simon's pants, a small smirk on his lips as they easily come undone and are pushed to the floor puddling at Simon's feet. 

Doc's not wearing any underwear and isn't that a sight; flushed swollen length curving towards him, demanding attention as Jayne kisses everywhere but, tongue running up the inside of Simon's thighs at a time, flicking teasingly over the bottom of the heavy balls and drawing a gasp from Simon's lips. Jayne can't help but look up, see Simon eyes dilate and face flush, eyes closing and fists curling as Jayne licks up the underside of his cock. Jayne isn't sure he'll ever get enough of this, not so much the taste but the look of pure enjoyment on Simon's face as Jayne's mouth closes over his cock, tongue swirling over the head as he does. 

_Ain't nothing like seeing him so unrestrained, so damn sexed, makes a man damn near spill his load._

Now Jayne's sucking in earnest, teasing Simon with tongue and teeth as he does, drawing out ever groan and gasp, alternating between slow and fast. Simon won't last long, not with Jayne doing this, they both know it especially since Jayne's been on a job for nearly a week now and Simon's not been able to come near or just come in all that time. Simon's thrusting against him now, Jayne can feel the trembling begin in his legs as he tries to hold it back, to deny what his body wants and Jayne adds that little bit more temptation, his hands moving to firmly grasp Simon's buttocks, kneading them together and squeezing as his mouth moves over Simon's silken length. 

Simon's really trembling now, thrusting forward without consequence, and Jayne moves quickly only his hand at the bottom of Simon's cock stopping himself from being choked. His other hands still resting on Simon's buttock, feeling how tight and taut it is and Jayne's half tempted to slip his hand between those tight cheeks, to add the one small thing guaranteed to make Simon lose control. But there's no need for it, Simon's too far gone, so close to letting it all go anyway and Jayne just holding him in place, still sucking teeth grating, feeling the familiar pulsing as Simon groans his release and warm seed spills at the back of Jayne's throat. 

He swallows quickly, not the most pleasant of tastes after all but damn worth the reaction especially with Simon now sagging backwards against the ladder, panting, his eyes still closed. Simon's still catching his breath as Jayne drops the softening cock from his mouth, letting it rest against Jayne's leg, erection waned some but nowhere near completely spent for the night. And now Jayne's kissing Simon again, tongue possessively captured the man's lips as Simon sags tiredly against him unable to catch his breath and do more but respond to the kiss, body sandwiched between the ladder and Jayne's hard body. Kiss claimed, Jayne breaks it just as abruptly as it starts, letting Simon lean against him, just holding the man in his arms. 

"Helluva greeting ain't it?" Jayne's grinning, not disliking the feel of Simon against him but not wanting the moment to become too intimate. Simon laughs shakily, the motion vibrating against Jayne's chest and as Jayne looks down at him, he can see the exhaustion there. 

_Simon ruttin' Tam, out to save the world and runnin' himself half ragged while he does it._

Jayne nudges him towards the bed, watching as Simon gladly stumbles towards it, just a few minutes and he'll be getting him in the mood, just giving him time enough to collect his wits. Jayne's not that good a person, not that giving a lover to put off sex- best cue for tiredness was a good thrust in his eyes. 

A small sound above him catches his attention and Jayne glances up, taking seconds to notice what Simon must have forgotten-to close Jayne's bunk. Mal is staring down at Jayne, something unreadable on his face, close to horror or perhaps anger Jayne isn't sure but if he was a betting man, he'd be guessing Mal witnessed the whole thing. 

_Can't do much more then see what he does, see if he charges in here and says his piece or backs of and leaves me and mine in peace._

Jayne knows Mal would have expected Simon to be the one of his knees servicing Jayne, giving everything to the merc and getting little in return; Jayne's got no illusions about how Mal sees him, at least how he thinks he sees him. But its not like that, they aren't like that, which just makes things all that much more complicated when you're all about the giving and not just the getting, when you're happy to let your partner rest a moment and sleep the night then be rushed out after. 

Mal's eyes are on Jayne and Jayne can't help squinting a little in confusion, only Simon's sleeping voice, calling his name in question diverting his attention and making them flick away. Maybe Mal reads something in that moment or maybe he just doesn't want to embarrass Simon, he'd never be sure but slowly Mal backs away. No longer frozen, expression still unreadable as he backs up and Jayne hears his footsteps walk careful away. He doesn't say a word to Simon, just climbs up the first three rungs and firmly pushes the hatch closed before jumping down. 

"Forgot to close the hatch," 

Simon's looking at him questioningly, caught between tiredness and arousal, clothes all shed on the way to Jayne's bed. Jayne unbuttons his pants and shrugs them down, kicking them to one side before getting into bed next to Simon and nudging him to one side. He feels Simon spoon against him, growing hardness pressing against him and Jayne smiles, placing the expression on Mal's face. 

Envy. 

_Translations:_  
Pigu - butt  
Shuai- handsome   
Ma-de- fuck  
Chunrn- idiot  
Di yu - hell 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

Title:   **Envy**   
Series Name:   **Ain't always so cold, out in the Black**   
Author:   **Annuette**   
Details:   **Series**  |  **NC-17**  |  ***slash***  |  **19k**  |  **12/04/06**   
Characters:  Jayne, Simon   
Pairings:  Simon/Jayne   
Summary:  Jayne reflects on Simon, the crew of Serenity and where he stands in it all.   
Notes:  Jayne centric fic, based of the 5 stages of love challenge.   
  



End file.
